On our first few years as a married couple Trevor and I—like other married people, I bet—for lack of a more grown-up expression, had a blast. We shared anything and everything and we loved every day of it. We cooked together, ate together, shopped, read the morning paper, watched weekly movies together… even feed Fatty, our cat, together. We love each other and we were yelling it out to the world. And that’s just half of it: On the more exciting part of life we got to enjoy more our sex life. We shared fantasies. We shared passion and we were never shy. We used to love making love!

Until our third child, our only daughter, was born. It was then that I began noticing changes in Trev. Small ones at first, then they escalated to bigger things. He began missing family dinners. He began sending me alone to do the grocery—lucky if he asks one of our sons to skip video games and go with me. He began missing out on our anniversaries (first kiss, first date, wedding anniversary!). His and his buddies’ baseball nights have stretched to weekend road trips. To all-nighters at his friends’ private parties. To mysterious gifts for friends’ she-cousins whom I never met despite all the birthdays they supposedly had celebrated.

And his mood—suddenly I lost touch on how to push his buttons. Lately it’s like grumpy now, grumpy again later. More than sad, it’s unfair. I even tried losing weight and regain my pre-mom body and looking more beautiful and sexier than my age for him to notice me again. But apparently, our gap has become bigger than my insecurities. The heat between us is gone and I don’t interest him anymore. Our friendship is off. The sex drive is lost… Now that I think of it, we haven’t had sex in the last seven months. We haven’t kissed in the lips since god knows when and I can’t even remember when we last went to bed at the same time!

I miss my husband. I miss the fun we used to have. I miss the passion and heat we used to share. I miss the connection. To him I am nothing but his housewife who cooks his meals. I love him so much and I don’t want to leave him… but it’s becoming too lonely and boring for me as well. It can be just a phase between me and Trevor but I have needs and I deserve to satisfy them now.

I need to do something.