I’d love to have Trevor back to his loving husband self, and us getting back in the saddle, but I think it’s not happening anytime soon. So while my marriage relationship lounges in limbo, I’ve decided to take the road much traveled by other married adults and set to find me a hot date. Yes, a hot date. One that could offer me a mutually fun relationship despite its being only short-lived. Soon I found myself searching for adult friends online and looking for a place where I can have my short love affair at a very discreet level.

Then I found James. Or should I say, found again.

Tens after tens of cheating men profiles in countless adult matchmaking websites and I had to find him. The cosmos probably wanted to throw me an early karma for going on this extramarital affair trip but what the heck—I needed some lovin’ and I needed it bad. Oh, and James was my college boyfriend.

And of all the crazy things to happen in that Internet dating site he simply had to be online at the very same time I was. So an incoming inbox message was naturally in order.

“Hey there! Long time no see. How’s life? Why are you here??”

“Why are YOU here?” I threw back at him.

“I’m a man. I should be here. LOL!”

He had a point. But more curiously, I caved: He was in the city and two hours later he was picking me up from a small grocery store nobody in our town really knows about. So classic an affair! I agreed to see James for a cup of coffee and some catching up, but the kind of excitement flowing through my system was too much for such a casual thing… The moment we hugged, we both knew we wanted more than just caffeine. We wanted at least three packs of rubber. LOL!

I wasn’t sure if we only missed each other’s company, or if it was the thrill of a quickie, or the thought of sneaking around our spouses, but that late afternoon with James was the hottest I’ve had. So much passion. So much heat. So much everything! It was so good to feel a man’s body crushing me once again… We were both so in the mood that we even joked about why we didn’t marry each other… then we got our answer after the third round: We wouldn’t be having that very hot sex that afternoon if we were married. LOL!

On our first few years as a married couple Trevor and I—like other married people, I bet—for lack of a more grown-up expression, had a blast. We shared anything and everything and we loved every day of it. We cooked together, ate together, shopped, read the morning paper, watched weekly movies together… even feed Fatty, our cat, together. We love each other and we were yelling it out to the world. And that’s just half of it: On the more exciting part of life we got to enjoy more our sex life. We shared fantasies. We shared passion and we were never shy. We used to love making love!

Until our third child, our only daughter, was born. It was then that I began noticing changes in Trev. Small ones at first, then they escalated to bigger things. He began missing family dinners. He began sending me alone to do the grocery—lucky if he asks one of our sons to skip video games and go with me. He began missing out on our anniversaries (first kiss, first date, wedding anniversary!). His and his buddies’ baseball nights have stretched to weekend road trips. To all-nighters at his friends’ private parties. To mysterious gifts for friends’ she-cousins whom I never met despite all the birthdays they supposedly had celebrated.

And his mood—suddenly I lost touch on how to push his buttons. Lately it’s like grumpy now, grumpy again later. More than sad, it’s unfair. I even tried losing weight and regain my pre-mom body and looking more beautiful and sexier than my age for him to notice me again. But apparently, our gap has become bigger than my insecurities. The heat between us is gone and I don’t interest him anymore. Our friendship is off. The sex drive is lost… Now that I think of it, we haven’t had sex in the last seven months. We haven’t kissed in the lips since god knows when and I can’t even remember when we last went to bed at the same time!

I miss my husband. I miss the fun we used to have. I miss the passion and heat we used to share. I miss the connection. To him I am nothing but his housewife who cooks his meals. I love him so much and I don’t want to leave him… but it’s becoming too lonely and boring for me as well. It can be just a phase between me and Trevor but I have needs and I deserve to satisfy them now.

I need to do something.

There he goes again. My husband to his “boys’ night out.” Or more like, “boys’ long weekend.” While I stay in the kitchen scrubbing pans and changing trash bags and feeding the cat. When he perfectly knows we have the house all to ourselves while the kids are again at their grandma’s for three days… That leaves me on a lonely weekend again. And I miss my husband. I miss having FUN with him! We’ve been married for nearly 20 years now and we’ve racked up pretty good scored in the ACTION department—but there’s still so much passion I feel and so much we could do as a couple. Darn, all this missing-the-fun and loneliness is driving me nuts!

But now I just realized it—I don’t need to be lonely at all. Trevor can have his beer and his laughs and his secret fun, and so will I! I’m a woman and I want to be just as active even in my age. I deserve to be happy too, and appreciated…

Question now is, what kind of fun can a bored housewife do? Or more importantly, with whom? Something exciting, something new… something wild! I wonder if there’s a man out there looking to spend time with a married woman like myself, maybe in a private room… or a pool… or both… I wonder if he has the same needs—and wants—as I…

I am not desperate: I’m simply too adventurous to be kept as just a plain housewife. I can’t just keep washing dishes when I could be soaping and massaging one’s back instead… Like they say, even at past 40, girls still just wanna have fun! And maybe Trevor will be more excited to just stay in next weekend after I tell him about my… hot side trips. What do you think?